Missed connection: to the girl who pissed all over the ATM in Family Mart

The cash-machine-turned-urinal, and the place where we first met.

The cash-machine-turned-urinal, and the place where we first met.

We never exchanged phone numbers; in fact, we didn’t exchange a word, but what we did share was a moment - a moment I will keep with me until the day I die, which won’t be for at least another five years.

Let me take us back to the start. It was a regular night – or so I thought it would be – and I was headed toward Family Mart because my wallet was empty and the ATM there always has a bunch of money in it. I first saw you through the glass sliding doors and had two thoughts at the exact same time, which is rare for me. The first thought was hey, she’s kind of cute, and the second was damnit, I have to wait for someone to use the ATM. I took my place behind you and waited, but instead of typing a pin code, retrieving your money and walking out, you angrily punched the screen with both hands, then lost your balance and smashed your head on the dairy refrigerator. I realized then that you were extremely drunk.

What happened next is what really made the sparks fly. You turned to face me, our eyes met, and then you pulled down your pants. Right in the middle of a fucking Family Mart. But you didn’t stop there – you removed your panties as well, and then proceeded to urinate all over the receipt bin attached to the front of the cash machine. You attempted to get everything into the bin, but you have terrible aim because you don’t have a wiener, and it wouldn’t be long before you were sloshing around in a puddle of your own piss.

When other customers caught wind of what you were doing, they ran. But not me. I waited for you and I always will. Once the job was finished, you bent down to pull up your panties, giving the audience a clear view of your whole situation (whole situation…hole situation…get it?). After that, you pulled up your pants and exited without a word, leaving me with nothing to remember you by but a massive puddle of pee.

I have only been rendered speechless three times in my life: seeing Sigur Ros live (what a show!), a car accident (I was knocked unconscious), and now this. Milady, you truly took my breath away. If you are reading this, leave a comment or send me a private message. I’m not even kidding. I am in love with you.

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